A guide to reassessing unhelpful power dynamics we've created in relationships as well as how we navigate society in general.
I used to have a client who would discuss their boss nearly every session- something small said boss did or said would usually set my client off and they could think of little else. As we worked together, my client was able to lessen the hold their boss had over them and slowly reclaim their mental energy. They stopped questioning their every interaction with this boss and whether or not it left a bad impression. They also began to leave work and their relationship with said boss at work.
Sometimes we create unequal (or exaggerated- bosses have some authority) power dynamics in our minds in which someone else and their opinion takes up way more of our energy and time than they need to. This ‘someone else’ can be a coworker, a public figure, parent, recent ex or just our conception of society in general. Whether or not whoever’s setting us off is in a position of actual authority, we begin to exaggerate their authority to a cartoonish degree. Over time we invent caricatures of these people or their level of power/influence and may even imagine them watching our every move when they’re not even around. Or said person(s) simply takes up too much space in our minds, making it difficult to interact with them or navigate society in general. If you’ve given someone or some group undue power and control over your mind and/or relationship with them, it’s time to take that power back.
Projection Dissolving is a tool used to put said person or people in their place.
You’re gonna wanna follow along with the audio on this site and close your eyes to imagine what I walk you through- but here are the steps in very short form so you can modify them at will.
Imagine the person or people taking up too much control as gigantic, like Godzilla or King Kong. And imagine yourself like a tiny scared child trying to placate, please or challenge them.
Imagine there is something in your heart that has projected all this power and size onto that person, and suck all that power back into your heart. Feel that power physically flood your body as the other person or people deflate back to normal size. Now you’re all just human beings. Having taken your power back, that person is not threatening.
This step can only be skipped under very specific circumstances: apologize to the deflated image of that person or people for inadvertently creating or adding to this dynamic, even if the real version of this person has reinforced it or hurt you. You’re apologizing because the power dynamic itself helps no one. Not them, and certainly not you. This may take awhile to do with a public figure you see as nothing but evil (hence very specific circumstances,) but eventually you will want to do so just to separate your image of them from reality by apologizing to the image alone.
Now that you have an idea of what Projection Dissolving entails (or way more than an idea since I walked you through it in a video, described the steps, AND linked you to The Tools page about it)! Try it whenever this person/people takes up space in your head during your leisure time. If you forget to do so, do it when you remember. This will definitely help, but if you need more when you actually see said person, you can create a shorthand out of the tool (I personally recommend imagining the person deflate as you take your power back, as this can be done quickly and silently and it’s a fun visual.1)
You’ll also want to start catching yourself when you’re obsessing over this person (or your version of society’s) opinion of you. If you want to draw a caricature or write a character bio of the overpowered version of this person you’ve created, I encourage you to do so, this has helped clients in the past! You can even do this if the ‘person’ tormenting you is a a hypothetical caricature you created of a certain ‘type’ of person you have to deal with regularly, like a gatekeeper in your industry. You can also write out a script if you’re obsessing over how to talk to said person(s) about something - just make them as exaggeratedly overpowered (and cruel or stupid if applicable) as they are in your own mind. That way when you re-read the scene you wrote, you’ll recognize the absurdity of this dynamic you had a hand in creating, and depending on the situation, the absurdity in your perception of that person or those people.
By practicing and adapting these techniques to suit your needs, you’ll be able to take back your time and mental energy when you’re alone, as well as interact with that person or society with more ease. Their opinion will matter as much as it actually matters: not that much in the grand scheme of things. Even if they’re your boss.
1 For another fun visual, try imagining a condom on their nose that flaps when they breathe. It’s dumb enough to remember and it might get you in touch with a calmer person’s breathing pace.
